We draw your pet.
Badly. On purpose.
Upload a photo, get back a gloriously terrible portrait that is still — somehow — unmistakably your pet. From $5.
How it works (it's stupidly easy)
1. Upload a photo
One clear photo of your pet. Face visible. We handle the rest — poorly.
2. We ruin it with care
A portrait so bad it loops back around to priceless. A human checks every single one before it ships.
3. Delivered in 24–48h
Hi-res files in your inbox. Put it on the fridge, a shirt, a mug, or a museum-grade frame.
Pick your poison
Every card is a real photo and what we actually turned in — terrible, and somehow still that exact animal. $5 for one style, $8 for two — or all 3 for $10, because your pet deserves to be humiliated thoroughly.
the assignment
what we turned in
Kid Crayon
Like a proud 5-year-old drew your pet with their favorite crayons. Wrong number of legs not guaranteed, but likely.
the assignment
what we turned in
School Marker
A chunky classroom-marker portrait with streaky fills, squeaky outlines, and the confidence of a kid who found the good markers.
the assignment
what we turned in
Kids' Watercolor Disaster
A six-year-old's watery masterpiece: muddy puddles, missed spots, runaway color, and a pet hiding somewhere underneath.
Put the crime on real stuff
Available the moment your portrait is delivered — printed with your pet's finished artwork and shipped to your door.
Framed Print
Your pet's terrible portrait, framed like it hangs in a museum. Because it should.
$59
T-Shirt
Wear your pet's face. The bad version of it.
$29
Mug
Start every morning with a portrait that says 'we tried.'
$17
Sticker
The crime, peel-and-stick. Laptops, water bottles — nowhere is safe.
from $5
Ready to disappoint your pet?
Every portrait is reviewed by an actual human with an actual sense of humor before it reaches you. We draw your pet. Badly. On purpose.